Craven's Labor & Delivery: A Novel.

First off, let me just say that my birth plan got thrown out of the window. And that’s saying it lightly. Very lightly.

Chapter 1: The Precurser

At 34 weeks, I got PUPPP [Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy]. Well, actually I had it earlier, beginning at 27 weeks, but it didn’t flare up until later. What I thought was a bizarre, unexplainable rash became the ugliest nightmare I’ve ever had, but the worst part about it what that it wasn’t an actual nightmare – it was real freaking life.
I have never been allergic to anything, and I’ve never had anything similar to an allergic breakout, but when my OB told me that research suggested that PUPPP was my body’s reaction to my son’s fetal DNA, I almost lost it. This kind of thing only happens to less than 1% of pregnant women. I guess I was part of that lucky 1%. Not only that, but I was the worst case my OB had ever seen. I looked like I had leprosy and I felt like it too. Being pregnant in the heat of the summer sure enough didn’t make it any better either. Long story short, over the counter meds turned into prescription meds. Steroids, antihistamines, topical ointments, round after round after round with no sign of improvement. Natural remedies offered no relief either. I spent probably over $200 on countless lotions, oils, capsules, baths . . . you name it, I tried it.


The night before PUPPP 8/25/10


But it wasn’t my discomfort that led my OB to worry. The itching was worse than any needle, any mosquito bite, or any pinch or thump that the strongest man on earth can give you. My whole body stung through day and night, through each of the hundreds of baths I tried to take. I couldn’t work. I was embarrassed to go out in public. I dealt with this hell for 5 long weeks, and out of those 35 days, I slept less than 60 hours total. If you do the math, you’ll realize that 60 hours of sleep in 5 weeks is BAD. The average person would be required to sleep 200+ hours during that same time frame. Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to. I was dying to - literally. I began having symptoms of sleep deprivation, hallucinations, slurred speech, a wobbly walk, among other things. I didn’t trust myself to drive. My OB gave me the ok to take sleeping pills, but they only made me painfully drowsy and loopy. God only knows what my son was experiencing thanks to those pills. I stopped taking them. My OB’s last resort was to prescribe me Xanax . . . which I denied without hesitation.


At that point, we all agreed on induction.

Chapter 2: The Labor. 

It wasn’t what I wanted . . . to be induced. Then again, PUPPP wasn't what I wanted either. I desired a natural birth. I still do, even to this day. But for Craven, it wasn’t what he was going to have. Far from it. Though somehow I welcomed it, and my husband and I packed our bags and prepared our minds, bodies, and our home for the arrival of our little one.

It began with a 6pm call time on September 20th 2010 at the L&D unit one Monday afternoon. I was 38weeks, 5 days gestation that day. I was hooked up to the Doppler heart monitor, cursed with an IV, and given a cervical ripening medication. I was then left there through the night with nursing checking on me regularly throughout the next 12 hours. I sat on my butt all night in discomfort. I don’t remember getting any sleep. I was just ready for it to be over with at that point.

At 6am the following morning, I was given an enema (which was far beyond disgusting), started on pitocin, and demanded to stay in bed. I was only allowed to get up to pee. I was 1cm dilated surprisingly, and what do I get for making it to 1cm? I got my bag of waters broken. I didn’t feel it at all, but my OB had a hard time getting the bag to pop. Maybe because it wasn’t ready?

Throughout the day, the nurses, lactation consultants, and the anesthesia team would visit me often, asking questions as to what decisions I wished to make for myself and my son. I kept refusing an epidural, but they kept insisting that I get one. “Well, we may not be available when you decide you want one . . . there are c-sections that will be going on in the next few hours and we can’t promise you’ll get one during that time,” They would tease. I didn’t care. The pain of the contractions was nothing, or at least nothing compared to the rash I had.

To top of my misery, the number of guests that showed up to wish me well wishes was staggering. I never had a moment to myself. As soon as one person would leave, another few would walk in behind them. I couldn’t focus on actually giving birth to my son. There was always someone there to ask me ridiculous questions and blabber on about how much this baby will change my life while my contractions bore down on me with full force. The nurses failed at keeping people out of my room, even when I asked them not to let anyone other than my own mother visit me. “They slipped by,” would be their excuses.

Somehow, the anesthesia team got their wish around 1pm. I can’t remember why, exactly, but I told them to go ahead and give me the epidural. Maybe it was because I let what my “visitors” said get to me. “It’s gonna hurt more than you can image! You better get that epidural as soon as you can!” Maybe I wanted the anesthesiologist to leave me the hell alone? Maybe the contractions actually did start hurting . . . or maybe it was what would happen in the following hours that caused me to lose my memory of such an event.

By 9pm, my legs and hips had swollen to 4 times the size they were when I walked into the hospital. I couldn’t lift them, and when I felt of them it did not feel like my own legs. They were the legs of some other 300 pound woman . . . not mine. To make matters worse, I had only dilated to 3cm. To make the situation even more dire, my nurses stated that my son’s heart rate was dropping too low during contractions.

They turned down my pitocin, and shortly after 10pm, my labor came to a complete halt.

Chapter 3: The Delivery.
At 10:30pm an emergency c-section was ordered. I tried to be as happy as I could be, but after all, I was excited that I was about to meet my son.




Jon and I moments before we became parents




At 10:58pm, my beautiful baby boy was pulled out of me.



8 lbs, 0 oz.        20 1/2''




Jon holds him for the first time



When we first met.



What happened next was out of my control. My epidural wore off – during the surgery. I was then knocked out with stronger meds through my epidural and that’s where my memories start to break apart. I came to in a recovery room while in the midst of a panic attack. My husband told me that I was never unconscious, although I couldn’t remember anything other than seeing my son for the first time. My epidural was magically gone, and so was my rash.

They brought my son to me in the room. I can’t describe the way I felt about him . . . he didn’t seem like he was mine. It was surreal . . . it was like someone handed me someone else’s baby.

But I loved him.

Chapter 4: The Recovery.

We stayed in the hospital for a total of 5 days – from Monday afternoon to Friday noontime. I was so out of it from the pain meds that it’s difficult to recap much of it. I remember feeling like I would never leave, and the pain from my incision site hurt like a mother . . . I wish I would have tried walking before I let them remove my catheter, else I would not have let them do it! Walking to and from the bathroom was the most excruciating, gut-wrenching pain I have ever felt. I almost vomited every time I inched out of bed.

As for my son, it’s heartbreaking to say that the only memories I have of him from the hospital are in the form of pictures. I can’t remember interacting with him during my recovery. I only remember his blood-covered body when they pulled him from my belly and leaned him over the blue sheets for me to see before they took him back to dry him off.

Though the pictures almost speak for themselves.



Coming Home


Recovering from that blasted c-section was the most painful experience (both mentally and physically) I have ever had (yes, it was worse than PUPPP). It took me 10 days to be able to hold my baby while in a standing position. It took me 3 weeks to be able to stand up completely straight (without hunching and holding my incision). If I could do it over again, I would have endured the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy in hope I’d go in labor naturally. If I was to become pregnant again, I will avoid induction at all costs and find a provider in favor of a VBAC.

My hospital birth experience was negative on so many levels. I adore my OB, but the staff was rude and the interventions were extreme. Yes, I feel like my own delusional self allowed that to happen to me, and there are so many things I would love to go back and change about it, but it is what it is. I have my son now and we are healthy and happy.

I will pace myself carefully next time.

My feet still swollen 2 weeks after my hospital stay.
They were twice this size while at the hospital.
The stretching caused me to have stretchmarks on my inner
legs from my thighs to my ankles.

I could only hold and feed him with the help of the bobby.

Daddy did almost all of the work



He was daddy's little boy.



"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for" - Anonymous

The End of a Long Hiatus

It's been over 10 months since my last post. What else can I say?

Too much.

My bundle of joy has finally arrived. Actually, he arrived 9 months and 2 weeks ago . . . all thanks to one heck of a curve ball that God blindly threw at me at 34 weeks gestastion. It's a long story. Too long for this post.

Motherhood has been truly amazing. My son is perfect in every possible way. In my eyes, and in his father's eyes, the child has not a single flaw.

The next couple posts will recap what I've made you miss. And hopefully you will get to know our little family a little better in the end.


Without further adieu, meet baby Craven.

Daddy Time

7 Months

8 Months

9 Months

* * *

You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

BEST TOY Reviews for Babies Under 12 Months

Illumination Station by Sassy


Ever get tired of retrieving toys for your baby while he’s seated joyfully (or not so joyfully) in his high chair or bumbo seat? This illumination station by Sassy is a life saver. It suctions onto a tray or other hard surface and stays in place. Your baby can pull on it, push on it, spin it, bite it, try all he can to tear it from its base but this thing doesn’t budge. On the not so positive side, the rattles in it are quite loud (like most toys that catch babies attention). However, the vast array of colors and patterns of black and white help baby’s eyesight mature. There are several variations of this toy, therefore I would definitely recommend one with the most black, white, and red patterns on it, as those colors tend to hold baby’s attention for much longer than similar colors (orange and yellow, blue and green, etc). Another feature this product offers is the option to remove the base from the main spinner section. Either way, it is a great investment.

Winkle by Manhattan Toy

The best thing about this product is that it is multi-purpose. It serves as a rattle and a teether. The black and white pattern in the middle catches baby’s attention and the multiple rings make it easy for baby to grasp the toy at any angle. Even babies just learning to grasp usually do not have a problem holding on to this product. The rings are soft and serve as an amazing teething ring. You can also put it in the freezer and freeze it for extra therapy for sensitive, sore gums. On the downside, as a rattle it isn’t very loud at all (sounds more like a dainty jingle than a rattle). This toy also comes in a variety of colors and styles, and again I would recommend the one with the black and white striped cube in the center for baby’s eyesight.

Go Green! Switch to Cloth Diapers!

Let’s go over some basics here. Some of this may surprise you.


- Disposable diapers are BAD for the environment. You won’t realize exactly how incredibly bad until you look at some statistics. It is estimated that it takes 250-500 YEARS for a disposable diaper to decompose. Over 1 billion trees are used worldwide in the creation of disposables, and nearly 5 million tons of human waste is introduced into landfills yearly in the US alone (imagine the bacteria?). Furthermore, human waste leaks out from these landfills into the soil and from there it dissolves into groundwater . . . maybe investing a good filtration system for your faucet isn’t such a bad idea?

- Cloth is better for your baby’s skin, especially for sensitive infants. Cloth is less likely to cause rashes, mainly because cloth diapers lack the dyes and chemicals that disposables require to live up to their absorbent nature. With cloth, the baby can feel the wetness after peeing/pooping (don’t underestimate the absorbent power of cloth though!) and they don’t like it, which leads to more diaper changes per day, and better skin for baby.

- As for these dyes and chemicals, they can be more harmful than helpful. Disposables release VOCs (volatile organic compounds) when poop is introduced into the diaper. These VOCs have caused cancer and brain damage in the studies conducted on them. Sodium polyacrylate is the main absorbent filler in many disposable diapers. This chemical alone has been linked to respiratory problems, like asthma, and is the main cause for skin rashes in infants.

- Cloth costs less. Name brand disposables can cost between $700-$1000 for the first year alone. (which could equal as much as $100 a month). Cloth diapers are reusable; that means that all you have to do is buy a basic 24 count laundry load and reuse, reuse, reuse. And when you’re done with them, save them for the next baby (saving even more money in the future), or pass them to next expectant parent.
Perhaps the #1 hesitation that usually keeps moms (and dads) from switching to cloth is the fear of cleaning them. No, you do not have to listen to your mother-in-law about ringing out a dirty diaper with your hands in the toilet before throwing them in the washer. You could do it that way, but I wouldn’t advise it. There easier, painless ways to handle a dirty diaper. Read on!

*****
To begin your cloth diaper journey, you will need:
- A bucket or trash bin equipped with a lid that seals or clamps to keep the smell from leaking (this will be your diaper bin)

- A ‘wet bag’ to line your diaper bin with. It’s nice to have an extra on hand for when you do laundry and need somewhere to put a dirty diaper while waiting for laundry to be done. (A wet bag is a fabric bag used to protect your diaper bin from getting soiled)

- A clothes line or inside drying rack for drying your diapers

- At least 24 cloth diapers (either the less expensive prefolds or the fancy, more costly All-in-Ones). 12-24 diapers makes a good laundry load.

- Detergent for your diapers (this gets picky – you’ll probably have to do research this depending on your diapers of choice. This topic is a totally new post in itself! One thing’s for sure – detergents must not contain enzymes, dyes, perfumes, residues, etc. Here is a link http://www.littlefornow.com/hh-detergent-scoop.pdf for more info!)

*****

A ‘How-to’ on cloth Diaper Duty:

- Have your next diaper prepared before you fetch the child (if using AIOs with inserts, make sure the insert is stuffed into the diaper and adjusted beforehand. All you should do is snap, pin, or Velcro and go)

- Make sure baby is on a secure surface (as always)

- Fold down the front of the soiled diaper and see what awaits you!

- Remove the diaper and set it to the side.

- Wipe the infant's booty thoroughly and apply the powder or cream of your choice.

- Put on the clean diaper.

- Let the baby go his/her merry way!

- As for the soiled diaper, it’s a pee diaper, all you have to do is throw it in the bin and shut the lid (if using AIOs, you will want to take the liner out to wash them separately). If it’s a poop diaper, there are options. If the poop is solid or semi-solid, take it to the toilet, dump as much out as you can, flush it, and return the diaper to the bin. If the poop is soft, leave it be and just throw it in the bin. It won’t hurt the diaper (or you!). If you prefer, you can purchase a high-powered diaper sprayer to get out any poop (bumgenius sells a good one).

*****

A ‘how-to’ for Laundry Day:

- Start your washer!

- Fetch the wet bag from your diaper bin (it should be full of diapers and liners). If using AIOs with Velcro, make sure the Velcro strips are attached to their catch tabs beforehand.

- Make sure liners and diaper covers are separated and throw diapers in individually. Throw in your wet bag as well.

- Add detergent and start the load

- Go back to your diaper bin and attach your extra wet bag (for diaper duty during laundry!)

- When washing is done, do not put the diapers in the dryer. This will not only shrink them, but repeated drying will shorten their lifespan drastically. Hang dry them inside or line dry them outside in the sunlight (hint: the sun will get rid of any staining!) You will want to flip them when one side dries to allow the opposing side to dry

- When diapers are completely dry, they are ready for use! You can return them to the diaper stacker, drawer, or storage place of choice where they can await diaper duty once again!

My Birth Plan and Preferences

 My OB and I have reviewed my birth preferences and she was somewhat understanding of them. She is aware that if this wasn’t my first pregnancy, then I would deliver Craven at home with only my husband’s help and bring him to the hospital upon delivery. Unfortunately, she only promised she could fulfill about 75% of my preferences (which is not good enough for me.)

As long as Craven and I are fine, my preferences for labor and delivery include:


- The most natural delivery possible

- To labor as long as possible at home before going to the hospital, even if my water has already broken

- no pain relief (yeah, I know some people will tell me that I’ll change my mind, but I’m assuring you I won’t)

- no pitocin or other artificial procedures to induce labor – I would rather try natural ways (exercise, breast pumping, sex, etc) before resorting to this

- I would like to take pictures and film the labor and delivery

- I would like to bring my own music

- no medical students, interns, etc present for the birth

- Only my husband, my mom, and pre-selected individuals will be present during the actual birth

- I would prefer to drink water to stay hydrated than get a routine IV

- freedom to move around and labor as I please

- Freedom to use a birthing ball, tub, or chair to labor or deliver with

- freedom to choose any birthing position as I please

- freedom to allow my labor to progress free of any stringent time limits

- to push when I feel the urge to or during a contraction (after I am fully dilated) - not to be coached

- no episiotomy whatsoever

- If I tear during delivery, I would like to heal naturally without the help of stitches

- Immediate skin-to-skin contact with my son as soon as he is born

- To wait on cutting the cord until the placenta is delivered (this will allow the baby to absorb ALL nutrients before having his life line cut from it)

- Unneeded newborn procedures WILL wait until my son has met both me and his father

- All newborn procedures are to be done at my bedside

- To breastfeed during the first 30 minutes-1 hour of my son’s life

- 24 hour rooming in with my child – I do not want to be separated from him, not even once

- If for some reason I cannot be with my son, his father is to be at his side at all times.

- Please do not offer my son the following: formula, pacifier, sugar water. He will be exclusively breastfed

- Please do not circumcise my son

- I am interested in checking out of the hospital early

Of course, in case of emergency, I am definately open to a C-section. The unexpected does happen, and Craven's wellbeing has been my top priority during these past 8 months and it will continue to be during labor and delivery and beyond.


My OB states that she can only have me deliver in a bed on my back, I HAVE to have an IV, I may need to be given a routine catheter (wtf??), and some procedures must be done at immediate time of birth due to hospital policies (she didn’t get detailed, probably because she knew it would piss me off). Even more to my misfortune, my insurance company will only cover my labor and delivery if it is in a hospital setting. So I’m pretty much stuck between a rock and hard place, which is only going to cause some major drama if the docs don’t ease up. I’m not an easy patient to deal with. This is going to be MY birth. It’s MY body. I’ve done a ton of research for a reason and I refuse to let anyone’s opinion or preferences override my own.

One word of advice to all you pregnant ladies out there – trust your own instinct, because more often than not YOU will be right.


My OB really has no idea what’s in store for her. =)


I desire a birth that will be the most delicate way for little Craven to enter the world. I will rant more about my views on home birth vs. hospital birth in a later post for sure.

Recommended Reading!

I don't read often, so when I decide to, the book has got to be both entertaining and informative. Two of my favorite books at the moment were found while browsing Barnes and Noble on a random day, and I just HAD to buy them.

"Why Men Love Bitches"
by Sherry Argov
This book very empowering for women to read, but perhaps the overall best part about it is that it makes a lot of sense. It seems as if its's a 'how to' on understanding the emotional and mental concepts of men in relationships, but I see it as rather a way a woman should handle a relationship in general. The chapters cover both basic and complex aspects of men and women and how they compare to one another and how they balance out. It also covers the concept of how a man will come to respect a particular woman. Several scenario examples, pop quizzes, attraction principles, and mood boosters help this book stay original. You will love it!

"Hands Off My Belly!"
by Shawn A. Tassone, MD and Kathryn M. Landherr, MD
If you are experiencing your first pregnancy, this book is a MUST HAVE. Or if you find yourself surrounded by people showering you in myths, stories, birth preferences, labor preferences, or if you just get tired of people telling you what your particular labor will be like, you need to pick up this book. To me, this book was a life saver. There are so many false facts and myths floating from mouth to mouth in the world of pregnancy it can make somebody sick - literally. This book busts every myth, every lie, and every worry of fertility, conception, diet, miscarriage, mood, gender predictors, old wive's tales, multiples, labor, birth, and afterbirth. At $19, it's worth every penny.

My Pregnancy So Far =)

[You'll have to forgive me for the horrible quality photos taken by me with my phone - No one ever takes pics of me, so this is my sad attempt to capture the moment - I am 31 weeks in the photos]

Let me first say that I LOVE being pregnant. I love the feeling of carrying my son with me everywhere I go. I love feeling his movements (even his merciless kicks). I love it when he gets the hiccups. I’m going to miss the little love-taps he gives me when he’s finally here and driving me utterly insane, but at the same time, I can’t wait to actually hold him in my arms . . .

My husband and I have joked around and talked about having children ever since we first started dating (I was 16 and he was 15). We both soon realized that becoming a parent was part of both of our dreams, amongst all the crazy things we wanted to accomplish! He wanted to be the ideal, cool, laid-back father and I wanted to be the loving, strong-hearted and fearless mother. And we couldn’t imagine not having a little one running around with us. Perhaps one of our biggest fears was finding out that pregnancy would be a difficult thing for me . . .

Well I had NO trouble getting pregnant. 10 weeks after my husband and I married, I found out I was 10 weeks gestation with my little man. We were surprised that it happened so fast, but at the same time not surprised at all. It’s not like we tried to avoid getting pregnant, if you get what I mean! I guess this would technically be considered an "unplanned" pregnancy, though my husband and I have been preparing all along!

So I went to the doctor. OMG let me say I HATE doctors. Especially the “woman” doctor, as I call it. Yes, it sucked, but everything checked out fine, despite the slight spotting I had afterwards. And that’s the only time to this day that I have spotted during my pregnancy.

I’ve been told that I’ve had the ideal pregnancy so far. I am considered low risk, passed my sugar test at 28 weeks, experienced PLENTY of fetal movement daily (you gotta trust me on this one!), and all blood work checked out fine. The ultrasound concluded that I have a good placenta, good water, and everything is normal. My OB even approached me at my 28 week appointment regarding my seemingly perfect blood work results, and congratulated me about how I had to be one of the 15% of her patients that actually take the prenatal vitamins . . . how she got this percentage I have no clue. [CONFESSION: I cannot swallow pills – not even an aspirin – so I did some research and compared the prescription prenatals she wanted me to have to Kid’s Flintstones chewable vitamins. I found out that taking 2 ¾ Flintstones chewables a day equals EXACTLY what was in the prenatals, so I settled for that . . .without telling her . . .] Apparently it has worked! Ha ha!

My pre-pregnancy weight was a healthy 120 pounds. And at 5’5’’, my BMI was approximately 20.5 and I was overall quite happy with my body (aside from wanting to tone up). Now, at almost 32 weeks, I fluctuate between 148-149. I have yet to hit 150! I try to walk plenty throughout the day, but I eat whatever I want. And nobody is telling me any different at this point! I will deal with toning up and losing baby weight AFTER my son is born. No sooner.

SYMPTOMS! – Probably the WORST part of being pregnant was the hunger-induced nausea I experienced from 10 weeks – 17 weeks, which caused me to eat nearly 10 full meals a day, literally. My coworkers would playfully joke “It’s not gonna be a 60 pound baby!” Additionally I have suffered from extreme heartburn, slight fatigue, slight backaches, stretch marks, bleeding and sensitive gums, Braxton hicks contractions, sciatica pain, leg cramps, minimal swelling of my ankles (1 time only so far), and slight moodiness. My nesting instinct also kicked in around 20 weeks and it has been at full force ever since!

Craven is also in very good health and is growing just as expected. He responds almost too well to my voice, his father’s voice, and my mother’s voice. He has been head down since he was 28 weeks along – I know this because of the pressure on my bladder and the little footsies that keep teasing at my ribcage. At my 30 week ultrasound, they confirmed this. I opted to not have the amniocentesis done, simply because the outcome of the test was not relevant to me. Even if he was born with a genetic problem, it would not cause me to love him any less. To me, even the smallest risk of miscarriage is not worth knowing a few scientific readings. The outcomes of amniocentesis tests are not even 100% correct, more like 50% or less. My son is a completely normal, healthy little man, and that’s all I need to hear.


I’ll try to keep updating often. Being home alone while Jon is at work is very . . . lonely! And quite boring to boot! I’m going to post about my birth preferences as well in the near future, so stay tuned!